Ono kad te pogodi pjesma. Figurativno i doslovno, objavio je portal “Lajk.hr”.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
![](https://www.24h.ba/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/9706fbf3-a4f3-4fbe-ae76-0a30c091ce46.jpeg)
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: London
Sretnu se Mujo i Haso poslije deset godina.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Pa gdje si ti, kućo stara, nisam te vidio sto godina!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Mujo: Ma, evo me, putovao malo po svijetu, bio tu i tamo, čak sam živio dvije godine u Londonu!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Haso: London? Gde ti je to?
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Mujo: To ti je grad u Engleskoj, jedno 2.000 kilometara odavde.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Haso: Au, koja nedođija!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Zgodna plavuša, policajac i pingvin
Šetala zgodna plavuša ulicom i naišla na pingvina. Nije znala šta da radi s njim pa je upitala policajca za savjet.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Odvedi ga u zoološki vrt, tako je najbolje – reče policajac.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Idući dan isti je policajac šetao ulicom kad ugleda plavušu s pingvinom.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
-Šta vam nisam rekao da ga odvedete u zološki vrt?
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Plavuša će njemu: Odvela sam ga i super smo se zabavili, a danas ga vodim u kino i na večeru.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Medo ništa ne plaća
U šumskoj prodavnici jedino meda pravi probleme, nikad ništa ne plaća, grabi šta god hoće, kao da je sve njegovo.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Dosadilo to ostalim životinjama. Riješili oni da izaberu nekog ko će jasno i glasno da mu kaže da to više ne čini. Ali, niko nije imao hrabrosti da se prijavi kao dobrovoljac.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Nakon dužeg vremena ipak se prijavi zeka. Sljedećeg dana okupe se sve životinje u prodavnici da podrže zeku, i čeka se meda.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Dolazi meda, i po običaju, uzima sve što mu treba, okreće se prema izlazu, kad se začuje neki glasić iz prodavnice:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
• Šta to radiš?! Moraš nekad i da platiš!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Iznenađen, meda se naglo okrenu i ljutito upita:
• Ko je to rekao?! Ko je taj?!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Nastade tišina u prodavnici, niko se ne javlja, i meda izađe. Zeka razočaran ode kupi dvije gajbe piva i ode kući. Kasno te večeri, sjedi zeka sam za stolom mota film šta se danas sve desilo, lupa čašom o sto i viče:
• Šta ”ko je rekao”, ja sam rek'o pi*da ti materina!!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Doselio se Kinez
Došao mali Kinez u osnovnu školu u Zagorju te ga učiteljica pita kako se zove, a mali Kinez veli:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Li Young Rong.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Pita učiteljica da li njegovo ime ima neko značenje, a mali odgovara da znači “Dijete Sedam Očeva”.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Na to se javlja mali Ivica:
– Ja sam odmah videl da nemre bit’ tak’ žut samo od dva jajca!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Bježanija iz ludnice
Dva luđaka odluče da pobjegnu iz ludnice.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Dogovore se oni da se sakriju iza igle, i naravno, čuvari ih uhvate. Nakon toga pita jedan luđak drugoga:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
• Pa, kako su nas provalili?
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
A drugi odgovara:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
• Mora da su nas videli kroz rupicu.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Financijska inspekcija
Trči puž šumom i vidi ga roda.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Gdje žuris, pužu?
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Došla financijska inspekcija u šumu, a ja imam kuću, žena ima kuću, djeca imaju kuću.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Krenu bježati i roda, vidi to medo pa ju pita:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Kuda zuris, rodo?
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Dosla financijska u sumu, a ja zivim na visokoj nozi, zena zivi na visokoj nozi, i djeca isto.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Pocne i medo bjezati, vidi ga majmun te upita:
– Zasto zuris medo?
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Dosla financijska u sumu, a ja imam bundu, zena ima bundu, i djeca je imaju.
Pocne i majmun bjezati, te promisli i stane:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Pa zasto ja trcim?! Ja sam gologuz, zena mi je gologuza, i djeca isto…
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Cigo vojnik
II svjetski rat, kapetan govori Cigi:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Cigo, brani ovu čuku životom ako treba, sve što imamo su 3 b0mbe i šljem.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Cigo: – Auuu gospo'n kapetan, bolje ti meni ostavi 3 šljema i jednu b0mbu.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Dobro Cigo kako ti kažeš.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Poslije par dana dolazi kapetan da obiđe Cigu, kad nailazi na gomilu njemačkih uniformi, čizama, čarapa, šmajsera, a gomila švapskih vojnika cvokoće bosa i u gaćama.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
U sredini, sjedi Cigo, pred njim tri šljema:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “Ajmo, braćo Njemci, posljednji pokušaj: pod kojim šljemom je b0mba?”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Deda i vukovi
Deda prepričava svoje pustolovine svom šestogodišnjem unuku:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “..i tako smo mi zalutali na Alpima, snijeg je bio preko 3 metra, hrane nam je ponestajalo, bili smo iscrpljeni kada nas je opkolio čopor od 20 vukova!”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Unuk: – “Deda, prošle godine si mi to pričao, ali tad si rekao da je bilo samo 5 vukova!?”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Deda: – “Djete moje, tada si bio isuviše mlad da bi sazanao pravu istinu!”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Učeteljica objašnjava
Govori učiteljica djeci:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
-Djeco, znate li vi da u trenutku kada ja udahnem i izdahnem jedan čovjek na zemlji um.re?
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
A Perica razmišlja pa reče:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
-Pa učiteljice, moraju se i zubi nekad oprati!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Fato, navuci zavjese!
Došao Mujo iz inostranstva. Dugo ga nije bilo, Fata ga se pravo zaželjela. Nakon ljubljenja i grljenja s svima: braćom, sestrama, rođacima, susjedima, ostanu Mujo i Fata napokon sami u kući.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Kaže Mujo:
– E Fato, sad navuci zavjese.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Fata ko’ mlaznjak… navlači, sva cvjeta.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Kaže sad Mujo:
– Spusti rolete.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Fata leti i spušta.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Mujo: – Sad ugasi svjetlo.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Fata se zapalila, sve spremnija na vruću akciju, kad ti njoj Mujo kaže:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Gledaj kakav sam sat nabavio, vidi ga što svijetli u mraku!!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Moglo je biti gore
Hasu živciralo što Mujo nakon svake loše situacije kaže da je moglo biti još gore.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Sad misli kako će ga zeznut, pa mu ispriča:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– Znaš li da je jučer moj komšija zateko ženu kako ga vara. Oduzeo život ženi i ljubavnika, zapalio kuću te na kraju sebe sredio!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Mujo: -Ah…dobro je. Moglo je biti još gore!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Haso poludio i reče: – Hajde mi, molim te, objasni kako to misliš!? Kako je moglo biti gore od toga?
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Mujo: – Pa lijepo! Da je došao dan prije, zateko bi mene!
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Mujo položio i dobio vozačku
Položio mladi Mujo i dobio vozačku dozvolu, sav sretan pokupi svoju curu prvu noć da je provoza.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
U tom trenu sav sretan i zaustavlja ga policajac i kaže:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “Mladi gospodine, dajte mi vašu vozačku i saobraćajnu”, a Mujo mu odgovara:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “Ma bježi tamo, polaži i ti pa ćeš je dobiti.”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Kako ćemo ga zvati?
Nakon vođenja ljubavi dvoje razgovaraju:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “Dragi, ako sam ostala trudna i dobijemo dijete kako ćemo ga zvati?”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
On skine k0ndom, zaveže ga u čvor i baci kroz prozor:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “Draga, ako se iz ovoga izvuče nazvati ćemo ga David Koperfild!”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Plavuše u krevetu
Dvije plavuše se guraju na krevetu, nema mjesta za obje.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Jedna padne s kreveta, pa će druga na to:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “Super. Hajde sad se popni, sad ima više mjesta.”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Unproforac
Radi Unproforac sklekove, a Haso oko njega obilazi gleda ga sa strane, pa pogleda ispod njega i veli Unproforcu:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “*ebo ja svoju mater, ako ona tebi nije pobjegla.”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Kopirni aparat
Kad joj se rodilo unuče svekrva priđe snahi i kaže:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “Ne želim bit nepristojna, ali on uopće ne liči na mog sina…”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Snaha na to podigne suknju i kaže:
– “Ja isto ne želim bit nepristojna, ali ovo je pi*ka, a ne kopirni aparat”
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
VIC: Vrabac na doživotnoj…
Vozi čovjek motor i slučajno naleti na vrapca u letu, udari ga i zgazi ga. Bilo mu ga žao. Stao je da vidi da li je vrabac živ, a bio je samo bez svijesti.
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
Ponese ga kući i stavi ga u kavez sa malo kruha i vode. Par sati kasnije, kad se vrabac probudio, pogleda oko sebe i reče:
![](https://www.biscani.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Screenshot-2021-03-14-at-19.04.02.png)
– “Rešetke, kruh, voda… pa onda povika: izgleda da sam UBl0 MOTORISTU.”